Recently I sent off three rolls of color film to be developed, but they’ve been lost in the mail.  This whole situation has prompted me to rethink my relationship with shooting film. This is not to suggest I abandon film altogether, but to be honest my enthusiasm for the hobby is at an all-time low.

The loss of those 3 rolls hits hard – I’d been in a slump for the past 4 – 5 months but the “12 Months on Film” challenge sparked me to get off my butt and take some freaking pictures. The creative juice was back and there were some shots on those rolls I was really looking forward to, especially ones of my kids. But they’re gone.

Meanwhile I have a Fuji XT1 sitting on the shelf collecting dust. It’s digital, yeah, but also a great camera. I loved using it. The pictures are great. It’s got all the features I need.

But best of all, whatever photos I take with it won’t get lost in the mail.

“You should develop your own photos at home!“, I hear you say. Well, I do for black and white (most of my output). I don’t shoot color often enough to make it worthwhile to do myself, hence sending these out to a lab. Regardless, let’s be honest, it’s still tedious. Also, despite being cheaper, there is still a cost to home development in both time and materials.

“That’s a lot of complaining“, you’re getting ready to tell me. Why shoot film then? Good question.

Listen. As a film community, we give digital a lot of grief. You can’t deny that. There’s a certain level of smugness when a film shooter compares themselves to a digital shooter.

Honestly, why?

We love the craft. The magic of physical media and the hands-on process to get our images.  We love how it’s more difficult overall to shoot on film for any number of reasons – the limitations, the process, the expense, the dedication needed. For those who shoot 100% manual, without a light meter, on a rangefinder, 1/30 with no tripod, in the freezing cold, uphill both ways, yeah it’s harder. We can compare our STRUGGLE to get the right shots with the relative EASE of using digital all day long.

How many times have you seen someone post on IG, anxious about whether it’s OK that they shot something digitally? As if they’ll lose followers for doing so (and they very well might).  How many accounts do you see that say “FILM ONLY”, as if digital photogs should be relegated to the lower decks of the ship with the other undesirables?

For those who weren’t around during film’s heyday, it might be easy to forget just how awesome digital cameras made photography when they arrived. My first digital was a 1.3 megapixel Sony and it was INCREDIBLE to snap a picture and see it instantly. My photography skills soared when I got that immediate feedback. I took way more chances, I experimented more, I took more pictures and captured more things than I ever would have if I were still worried about running out of film.

But at the end of the day, a good photo is a good photo. I can’t tell you how many shitty photos I’ve seen on digital. I also can’t tell you how many god awful photos I’ve seen on film. Though for some reason there’s a segment of the community that will praise any analog photo simply due to the medium. Let’s not even mention digital photos that are altered to look like film (you know people are doing this – Lightroom presets, film simulations, fake borders).

What am I getting at here?

I’m not loaded with cash, and I prefer to be able to keep (and eventually display) my photos without worrying if they will become lost either due to my own error or some external force (thanks USPS). How many of us have gotten a blank roll because something went wrong during the loading process? How about camera malfunctions? Light leaks? Opening the camera back too early?  Issues during development?  Did I tell you all about the time I ruined a whole roll of film because I accidentally put the fixer in before the developer? It’s heart breaking!

I love shooting film. It’s how I started back in the 90’s and it feels like something I’m supposed to be doing. The process brings me a lot of joy and fulfillment, but honestly people… I can’t afford to buy film, and chemicals, and developing for the rest of my life. I can’t afford to lose my photos for stupid reasons. So I’m thinking of taking the XT1 out more often and leaving the 35mm home for a bit. We’ll see how it goes.